What You Missed, 4/12/12: NEKKED BONZ

Guy walks into a bar and starts hassling the new owner about getting a show for his urban crunch (Is that a musical style?) band. New owner has had too much energy drink and a shouting match ensues.

"I'm telling you, man, we gonna pack the place. Make you a lot of money."

"Look, when I have a SHOW, I gotta pay the SOUND guy, DOOR GUY, bring in extra STAFF!!! OVERHEAD!!!"

"Gimme a date. We'll do three sets, even bring in our own PA so you don't need yr sound guy."

Sold. "Allright. YOU WANNA SHOW!?! I'll GIVE you a SHOW!!! BUT this is what you're GONNA DO!!! You're GONNA bring yr OWN PA, AND!!! You're gonna play THREE 45-minute sets, RIGHT!?! And, some GAP BAND!!! YOU'RE GONNA PLAY SOME GAP BAND!!!"

The "bring yr own PA" idea is almost as stupid as some of the writers for the Willy Week's drink guide, so I eventually tell him to nix that idea. But Nekked Bonz does things right, so they still bring in their own lighting and stage set up.

Yep, 11 pm the night before the show, Da'Mone from NEKKED BONZ shows up with a full effin' truck load of equipment. Drum riser, stage riser, lighting trees, stage curtains. Spends over two hours giving the Slabtown stage a full make over. You wouldn't have recognized her. Seriously, it's like that scene from Breakfast Club where Molly Ringwald puts make up and clean clothes on Ally Sheedy and that Jock Emilio Estevez gets an immediate erection. (Of course, every punk boy I ever knew thought she was way hoxxxtter when she was dressed up in sackcloth and ashes and dusting her drawings with dandruff snowstorms. Our Slabtown stage doesn't need less eyeliner or to wear its hair out of its eyes.) When Chris the sound guy saw the whole get up, he was worried Slabtown wouldn't have enough power for all those lights.


This ain't a picture of them at Slabtown, but I swear on the Holy Diver, our stage was more fandangoed than this:

NEKKED BONZ didn't bring out a lot of people last night, but they still brought an awesome show. Da'Mone comes across like LENNY KRAVITZ with a haircut and some WILSON PICKETT thrown in. He's doing spins and dance moves, got his shirt buttoned down to the navel (or, as we at Slabtown like to call it, "the Trail of Tears"). Between songs, he keeps asking us if we like chicken. I effin' love chicken, almost as much as I love tater tots, but when I yell that out, the rest of the audience started laughing. I think I might've missed the joke somewhere...

So, yeah, while you were home watching reruns of "Firefly" you downloaded illegally, NEKKED BONZ was bringing us three sets of urban crunch and covers (including the GAP BAND as instructed). But, hey, you'll get another chance to catch them on Thursday, 5/24.