Last night, while you were at home watching "How I Met Your Mother" on TV, the staff of Clyde Common (aka, the Common People) brought the motherfuckin' ruckus to Slabtown. Five bands, each with at least one member who works at Clyde Common, including PALE HORSE, WHALES, ATROCITY EXHIBITION, DEFECT DEFECT, and AUTISTIC YOUTH. Sorry for yr loss...
I'll say from the beginning that my sleep's been off, so I walked into this one so tired I was already clumsy, a little grumpy. And, things didn't start well. The turntables weren't working and the DJ didn't show. There are five bands and they all show up at once. I want to be friendly but it's excruciatingly boring to have to hand out that many drink tickets.
But bands like PALE HORSE always manage to get me out of myself a little bit. This was probably their third or fourth show, and they're still coming into their own as a band. That makes me smile because I remember going to see AUTISTIC YOUTH when they were still that green, and having them on the same bill kinda highlights that potential. Which isn't to say that they aren't already good, because they are. I'm just really looking forward to seeing who they become as a band after they've been playing for a while.
WHALES were up next and played a solid set. Heavy, hard rock, overdriven bass, screaming vocals. Dave really got into these guys because they're such awesome musicians. I got into their cool equipment (some one-of-a-kind bass amp fro Seattle), and their guitarist (who was apparently playing just his third show with them). But I don't really think they got me. After their set, as they were unloading, someone mentioned that the drummer was one of the meatcutters at Clyde Common, and I was like, "Cool. I used to be a meatcutter. Maybe this guy can answer some of the nagging questions about meat that I've had for the last 18 years." So, as he's loading out I ask him, "Hey, what's the difference between a steak and a chop?" But I don't think he realized I was serious because he just kinda looked at me and walked away.
This was also when I decided that if I had a bunch of employees of the CC at Slabtown I could maybe get some pointers from them about how to make my business more successful.
"So, what's Clyde Common's greatest strength?"
"Precision and volume. I've never worked anyplace where a kitchen could be so busy and still do everything perfectly."
"Yeah, but this is fucking Slabtown. We don't do that shit here."
I'm not sure what was taking ATROCITY EXHIBITION so long to get set up (It's a very small keyboard, after all.), but by the time they were ready to play I was getting bored again and was seriously asking myself what's the worst that could happen if I set off a bunch off firecrackers inside. But, thank the effing gods for bands like ATROCITY EXHIBITION. There was a time in PDX when on any given night you could go see incredible indie rock live--HEATMISER, THIRTY-OUGHT SIX, HAZEL, QUASI, SKIPLOADER (Okay, I was kidding about that last one.). That's where we are with the post-punk right now, and I'm loving it. ATROCITY EXHIBITION, ARCTIC FLOWERS, THE ESTRANGED, DEAD CULT, CONFESSIONS, BLANK STATION. God, I can't wait for Ian Curtis Day.
And, I think ATROCITY EXHIBITION's set was the watershed moment of the night. Because, while the post-punx and punx were standing around staring at their feet, the Common People started getting a little loose. They're out on the dance floor in heels and jeans or a tie and a blazer, spilling drinks and pogoing. They're taking photos like they're on vacation in Thailand. By the time DEFECT DEFECT plays, a miniature pit keeps appearing and disappearing, led by a lady in a low-cut silk shirt. When AUTISTIC YOUTH start come on, the Common People go fucking apeshit.
I love the chaos, those unpredictable moments when everything is about to fall apart. The absolute highlight of my night was when all the Common People started slam dancing and throwing each other around the dance floor. I'm behind and at the side of the stage, and as I look out I realize that they are careening back and forth between two tables full of empty glasses. I jump into the crowd and start grabbing armfuls of glasses and handing them to random people. "Get them out of here!!!" I love the sound of breaking glass; I don't love pools of blood on the dance floor.
After the show, I got the chance to meet one of CC's owners (I'll take a stab at it and say it was Matt, but I missed the introduction.). He tells me about Colin's work ethic, and I tell him about the time I attacked Colin during an OBSERVERS show, biting him and trying to tear his clothes off. I don't tell him that I almost made the staff clean the bathrooms twice before the show because our wealthy neighbors were coming over to visit.
Blake from AE is buying rounds for his coworkers, and I set them up with line of Bulleit rye shots when someone yells at me to set them on fire. Those are the magic words to start Slabtown's "Two-Minute Coyote Ugly." I'm immediately up on the bar, dancing across it and spilling more rye into their shot glasses. People start yelling at me to take it off, and there's a very brief moment when I could've walked away from what happened next. But then Jodi waves a dollar at me, puts it in my pocket, and we've gone over the water fall.
I'm shaking rump and peeling my shirt off. "Is this what you want, baby?" (Truth be told, in my mind, I'm hoping it is what they want; I'm the only guy at Slabtown who isn't getting paid right now, and a dollar's a dollar.) I do my best to dance my way down from the bar and towards the dollars, shirt off but still hiding my b-b-b-b-boobies. Melody from CONFESSIONS tells me to "make a cleavage" for her to put her dollar in. I corner some poor schmuck who wants to give me a dollar but can't bring himself to actually put it in my belt. I'm yelling "C'mon, baby, put the dollar in the hole!" at him repeatedly and rubbing my belly while he backs away from me, one hand over his eyes the other waving the dollar.
Afterwards, I ask Mikey from DEFECT if maybe I'd crossed the line into creeper.
"Knowing you, I'd say no. But if someone came up to me and said, 'Wow, that was a little creepy.' I'd have to say, 'Well, yeah, I guess you're right.'" Fair enough.
The signature drink, the Autistic Youth, was a well whiskey-and-ginger with lime. De-li-cious.
